so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
