Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
