I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
