I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
