remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
