i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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