4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
