Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
