life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
