Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
