sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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