I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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