meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
