You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
