and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
