thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
