I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
