I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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