Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Little spoons don't ask big questions
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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