If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
