So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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