Don't make out with my wife yet
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
