Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
