oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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