I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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