Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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