our cab driver is having phone sex.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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