Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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