Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
