508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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