mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pooping to opera.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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