I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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