sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
