Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
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