I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
