no, he came in my armpit
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
