my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Help. Why am I so naked?
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