I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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