People in love make me want to vomit
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
