Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
