guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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