I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
