we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
