Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
