you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
