He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
