why didn't you poke me back
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
