Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
