there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
