i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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