I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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