...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
