Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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