sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
