Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
