THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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