East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
