What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
