i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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