We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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