If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
