the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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