Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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