bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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