u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
