Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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