I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
