Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
