I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
