Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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