I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
