You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
