I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
