Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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