Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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