Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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