it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
