i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
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I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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