I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
