my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize